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December 31, 2011

i had a wonderful dream last night.

“everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life.”
-brian andreas

last night, i dreamt about a phone conversation. a conversation in which i said everything i wanted/needed to say to someone, things i'd been holding in for a long time. the fact that all of this happened in a dream and not in real life does not negate any of it. it also doesn't make one ounce of difference what the person on the other end of the line said. there comes a point when anything/any forced apology is moot. it's about what i needed to say.  i shared all of my anger, sadness, exhaustion, and finally, acceptance. i gave myself peace; this is my gift to myself for 2012.

i like that i woke up feeling lighter. and i love that this happened on the last day of the year.

certain feelings, struggles, arguments, and people shall remain in 2011. i'm not bringing them with me into 2012.

as i sit in my bathrobe watching practical magic for the millionth time, i think about how grateful i am for this day. to go to the art institute with a friend who's in town until tomorrow. we'll spend several hours walking the galleries, neither one rushing the other. that's a very important quality to me. we'll talk more about italy. we'll come home and play board games and ring in 2012 with some of my favorite people in the world. party hats are mandatory.

sometimes holding onto anything, especially anger, for so long gives things far more power than they deserve. the more time you have to dwell on things, the bigger that anger can become. it can become more confusing and heavier. and i'm leaving all heavy things in 2011.

i wish for you the same for my own heart, that the coming year be full of peace. in every sense of the word.

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