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January 29, 2012

all of these things.

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i would like to always feel the peace i feel when looking at this picture.

i am not just a girl who struggles with weight and body image. my life is not that "easy." nobody's is. nobody's struggle is simplified and pulled word for word from a health textbook. i am more than a girl who works. daily. at loving herself, accepting herself, forgiving herself.

forgiving herself.

she is a girl who has good and bad days, a girl who wakes up some mornings so cheerful that she says hello to everyone she sees, and a girl who wakes up other days and grumbles and swears ten times before getting on the bus.

she despises mushrooms, but loves onions. she exclaims, "extra onions, please!" on everything.

she says Lord, nonsense, and oy. a lot. she says, "that's what she said" as often as possible.

she stands like a flamingo in her kitchen while slicing green apples and filling her teapot.

listening to rihanna makes her feel strong. and sexy.

she runs to bonnie raitt, the supremes, tom petty, jay-z, and bon iver.

she's made a family out of her friends. she says a prayer of thanks for these people everyday.

she's never not going to love "teenage dream." and she's not sorry about it.

she will adopt a child one day because too many people in this world have never felt love. and she can see herself as a mother before she can see herself as a wife.

she is way, way too competitive at board games.

she will always root for britney spears.

she tries to plan for everything and doesn't do well with relinquishing control.

she is learning to embrace flats. she believes they can make her feel just as sexy as her heels. she knows a girl who is happy and relaxed is always sexy.

she hopes to one day get married in may solely so she can be surrounded by lilacs.

she plans a trip to kentucky around a concert. she rents a red car and drives herself eight hours to visit one of her favorite people in the world. she fishes, swims, and walks every morning with men who've lived incredible lives. she's making plans to go back this summer.

she meets some of her favorite baseball players and gets flustered and more excited than the little kids in line in front of her. she rehearses what she's going to say and when she gets face to face, she fumbles and turns red. she laughs about it the rest of the night.

she still thinks about getting that tattoo, an italian word on the inside of her left wrist.

she has a hard time trusting people. she knows the man she winds up with will have to be the most patient man. in the world. she believes he's out there.

she's going to give yoga a chance. dating too, eventually.

she's going to smile at men on the train, the men she finds sexy. men in construction boots and men in very, very nice suits.

she makes a mean chicken tortilla soup.

she has very little patience; she's working on this.

she's a girl who's finally starting to feel like a woman.

she is all of these things.

she is enough.

she was always enough.

(photo source:

1 comment:

  1. #1 - i was just talking about chicken tortilla soup to my mom this morning, so naturally i need your "mean" recipe.
    #2 - this entry, the picture, the words - all amazing.
    #3 - i love your flats, too.
    #4 - i'm glad that i'm not the only one who still screams "that's what she said" at nearly everything ;)