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February 12, 2012

slowing down.

i had zero desire to step outside my apartment this morning. i didn’t go for a walk, didn’t buy the newspaper, didn’t go to the market to buy fresh fruit. i slept in. until 7:30. i drank a whole lot of coffee, caught up on southland, left chocolate cupcakes and valentines for my neighbors, did laundry, and watched the valentine’s episode of parks and recreation. again.

last night, i had tapas with three girlfriends. i dressed up. i drank white wine sangria with lavender. we rotated plates of herbed crostinis with serrano ham and manchego cheese, bacon-wrapped dates stuffed with sausage, beef empanadas with queso fresco,  the most amazing black tiger shrimp sauteed in garlic and olive oil, and white bean gelato. that's not even all of it.

i am trying, very hard, to slow down. to be more present. to enjoy a saturday night dinner without worrying about how my legs look, how my arms look, how everything looks and feels. the thought of how many moments i’m missing makes me tired. i need to stop. 

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an addendum or two:

there is no greater thrill than eating a lovely dinner with amazing women, surrounded by love, laughter, sassiness, and the sharing of stories. friends from home, work, college. there is no greater thrill than having fresh conversations, conversations about the things we do and the things we love.

there is no greater thrill than sitting in a room full of couples and not feeling sad or jealous or annoyed. there is no greater thrill than sitting across from two people at a bar and seeing how happy they are, and being genuinely happy for them. and not wishing someone was sitting next to you, not needing someone to sit next to you.

recognizing that you in your chair are enough.

there is no greater thrill than walking home late at night, in heels and pink lipstick after a night of fun. sweet, simple fun.

some days are hard. sometimes i get lonely. but there is no greater thrill than being happy and alone.

i'm so grateful to be here.

source: tulipsandlattes

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