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March 26, 2012

I can't stop wanting.

Lately, I've been on a Friday Night Lights kick. I'm falling in love with this show all over again and even more in love and in awe of these characters, their relationships and love between them, and Texas. 

Sweet Texas, I need to plan a trip.

This is a speech Tyra wrote for her college application essays. I remember recording this episode years ago when it first aired and pausing and rewinding and pausing and rewinding so I could get every word right. This speech is beautiful. This speech is how I feel today, in this moment, on this sunny and chilly March afternoon.

Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting would lead to trying and trying would lead to failure. But now I find I can't stop wanting. I want to fly somewhere in first class. I want to travel to Europe on a business trip. I want to get invited to the White House. I want to learn about the world. I want to surprise myself. I want to be important. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to define myself instead of having others define me. I want to win and have people be happy for me. I want to lose and get over it. I want to not be afraid of the unknown. I want to grow up to be generous and bighearted, the way people have been with me. I want an interesting and surprising life. It's not that I think I'm going to get all these things. I just want the possibility of getting them.

This show, this speech, that complicated girl. All of it. 

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