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September 5, 2012

on trusting yourself.

listen.

listen harder. listen better, smarter. 

pay attention. to the things that nag and pull on you, the things that keep you from falling asleep, the things that keep coming back: in the shower, while waiting for the train, the bus, an email.

listen to these thoughts and questions. trust that you will find the answers.

trust that the universe will not send you back from where you came. trust that the universe is giving you all of the tools that you need, even if it takes two girlfriends, two dozen emails, and hours in jim's office to believe this.

remind yourself that sitting in front of a blank word document waiting for inspiration to hit so you have something to write about is a waste of time. and you stopped doing that.

stop treating everyone else as if they are more important than you are. remind yourself, this is how a person reaches 300 pounds.

remind yourself, via mantra in the shower or post-it on the wall, you will not get back to that place again. ever. you won’t do it to yourself. even on the days the last thing you want to do is wrap your arms around yourself and show yourself warmth, accept this as truth. 

you are not going back to that place. you will not gain back all of that weight. if you wanted to you could easily eat all the food you want and hide in your apartment and eat your feelings. if you wanted to.

you want the polar opposite of this. you want a life. a full one. and the fact that you label things as heavy and light and full is not lost on you. it's hard for you to let things fall off you.

keep trying.
 
what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life

remember mary oliver's words and close your eyes. move your fingers across the keyboard. feel the muscles in your fingers wake up. they're ready. you're ready. tell the stories you need to tell. trust that you are getting there, even though you wish it didn't take so long. no one is timing you but yourself. 

stop looking at the clock.

choose to be brave or play it safe. remind yourself that all of this is up to you. 

your life is your own doing. trust that you are going to make something beautiful out of the precious.

1 comment:

  1. "What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

    The answer to this question is something I feel like we all answer the wrong way. It's not about the material things. The degrees we get, the jobs we take, the places we travel. It's about doing something that, being someone, that makes life worth living. So when that day comes when your entire life flashes before your eyes you can honestly say, "I've created a beautiful and full life out of all the gifts and hardships that have come my way. I wouldn't have done anything differently."

    I hope you're doing well, Rhi. I'm sorry I've been MIA as of late, but sometimes life just hits you hard and fast like that.

    No matter what remember, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. You're never alone. Praying for you! Hope the beautiful fall weather has come your way as well. :)

    ReplyDelete