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October 30, 2012

the time i had my fortune told.

i saw a fortune teller at a halloween party saturday night, fortune teller/tarot card reader. after several drinks i ducked underneath the black curtain and sat at her little round table. i took off my mary poppins gloves, shuffled the cards, and cut the deck. 

i put my gloves back on as she chose four cards. 

the first was truth. 

she looked at it.

she looked at me.

speak your truth. you must speak your truth. 

she said this over and over again. i used my mental notepad, remember this. remember this. 

it gave me a push. i don't have to justify any part of this to anyone. we're often mistaken into thinking we ever have to justify any single part of our lives. we don't. belief changes people who are open to being changed. it changes people who are ready to be changed.

she told me i don't need to understand or worry about the people who don't hear me/don't know how to hear me. i don't have to change them.

it's not my job to help people understand me.

speak your truth. what is your truth telling you?

my truth is telling me that thinking/posting about speaking my truth before this woman told me i need to do it is a sign in and of itself. a big one.

my truth is telling me that if my mind and body are screaming no when i walk into a room/interview/conversation, this is a sign. pay attention.

my truth is telling me that anger really is poison, but it's not useless. it becomes useless if it becomes more than something temporary. 

my truth is telling me that listening to mary j. blige is one of the fastest ways to feel strong.

my truth is telling me that finding time to walk by yourself at some point everyday is necessary, even if it's just sixty seconds down the hall. walking heals.

my truth is telling me that this is the man i've waited my whole life for. 

my truth is telling me that the most important friends in our lives are the ones who never leave, the ones who are steady, who keep us steady when we're unsure of anything and everything around us.

my truth is telling me that as hard and scary and tiring as everything is right now i'm going to get through it. because i'm surrounded by a whole lot of beautiful. and hope.

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