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May 28, 2012

cutting out the nonsense. and being hopeful.

i'm an "all or nothing" person, always have been. for a while i've been telling myself, you don't need to worry about dating anyone right now. just worry about you. you can't possibly fall more in love with yourself and find contentment with a man. there's no way you can do both. 

i no longer believe this.

it's okay to want to go on a date. and kiss a man. these are normal things, rhi. and wanting them doesn't make you less of an independent person. it makes you a woman in the dating world. 

i’m usually the third or fifth wheel when i’m out with my friends, but i always have fun, mainly because i know a lot of amazing people. i don’t want to get married tomorrow or one year from now, but i do want to meet people. i want dates, actual me-in-a-dress and him-in-a-collared-shirt dates.  i want to meet grown men and go to dinner and movies and flirt and be kissed in cabs at one o'clock in the morning. i’m not looking to fall in love, but i’m not going to say no to the possibility either. i want to take a chance. i want butterflies. i want all of it. 

i won't lose myself again because i know what to look for now. i know what i want. and what i refuse to tolerate.

so this afternoon, i had a drink, just one, and with molly's encouragement, created an online dating profile. 


and because i said i'd share everything on here, here you go. (it's a bonus that it feels good to be brave and tell the truth. it feels good to share my life.)

between work and school and the gym the only places i go to be social are bars and restaurants (usually by me.) let’s call a spade a spade, the chances of me meeting the love of my life or even a normal guy my age at the bar down the street are pretty slim. so i’m cutting out the nonsense. i know there are no guarantees, but there are no guarantees sitting on the sidelines either.

i am treading in completely foreign waters here and it's exciting and ridiculous and funny and scary. and full of writing material. my Lord, the things i already want to write about and i just created the profile at 4:30. i’ve already thrown my hands up twice and proclaimed, “what?!” and proceeded to burst into laughter. 

it feels good to be brave. remember that if nothing comes of this. you're putting yourself out there, and that is far from nothing.

i made a note of how important baseball and my white sox are-to help in the weeding-out process. 

it’s a long summer and i can’t wait to see what comes of it. 


  1. Putting oneself out there is always good. It's the first step in things, always. Hope this goes well!