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July 24, 2012

a moment of strength in the middle of a hard day.

yesterday was a hard day. i won't get into the why. the back story isn't important.

i had a moment of grace at an intersection of what could've been actual trouble. i was waiting at a red light in the proximity of three fast food restaurants: mcdonald's, burger king, and taco bell. me at age 15, 17, 21 would've made a quick left into the mcdonald's parking lot. i would've ordered the usual: two big macs, large fries, sweet and sour sauce to soak everything in, and a large pop. i am a creature of habit, for better or worse.

old habits did not creep back in yesterday. 

i sat in a friend's car listening, mostly singing, along to adele's live at the royal albert hall. i didn't turn it up. i already had it playing very loudly as this is how i like my music, but i didn't deliberately make it louder. i didn't tune out my feelings. i felt every single feeling i had in that moment, the good and the bad ones. i didn't rattle. i sat there and waited for the light to change.  i didn't even want food.

everything is a choice. sometimes things are hard. you wait for green lights and keep going.

this is all you can do.

it's moments like this, at 3:45 on a monday afternoon, when i can feel how lost/sad/numb i used to be in those same moments ten years ago.

i can feel how far i've come. and how that woman's incredible voice made my own that much clearer. 

1 comment:

  1. This is beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. Allowing yourself to feel what you're feeling is so important. Fabulous post, love! If you get a sec, I'd love to hear your thoughts on my latest trend report & post for xo