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July 26, 2012

where we put our attention is where we put our value.

the soul always knows what to do to heal itself. the challenge is to silence the mind.
-caroline mys

i know the game of feeling like you aren’t enough.

this is a game that will break you if you let it. this is a game that will make you so physically exhausted you'll find yourself crying in the shower. and on the bus. and in line at the dry cleaner’s.

when we feel inadequate we fill that silence with doing. do do do some more. i can do more. i will do more.

the idea of, if i just continue to do all of these things for everyone else, i will finally feel enough. i will be enough. i will show this person how much i care by doing all of these things: running errands and making plans and cooking dinners and baking cakes and not showing and sharing my anger and sadness and complete and total truth of, “i don’t feel valued by you. i don’t feel appreciated by you.”

i dated someone a long time ago and i remember emailing a friend and actually typing the words, "i just want to feel like i'm important to him."

if there’s one thing in this life i know for sure it’s that if you are squinting with disbelief and discomfort and disgust with yourself as you write something, this is a sign.

if you have to ask a question like that then you already have your answer.

stop ignoring these things.

no one can make you feel anything. we allow people to treat us certain ways. we give them permission.

if you don't feel that someone thinks of you as important or treats you like you're important, you aren't.

but if you're lucky enough to find yourself with someone who shows you, all the time, how important you are to them, when you feel how much they appreciate you and care about you, say thank you. say it again.

keep saying it.

thank him, and thank the universe for helping you find this man.

when we fill every second of every day trying to do more for other people there is nothing left for ourselves. nothing. there is no room and no energy left. it’s a deliberate thing, this excessive doing for others. where we put our attention is where we put our value.

where are you putting yours?

i think of my friends, especially girlfriends, who do so much for so many. and it makes me tired. they operate with the thought of, i care about this person enough to do anything that will make them happy. it makes me happy to make others happy. there's nothing wrong with wanting to do nice things for other people. but there's a distinct place when it becomes wrong, when it becomes too much.

pay attention to how you feel in this place. don't ignore it.

if only we could think that way for ourselves. if the energy people use on others was spent on self-love, the entire world would be a happier place. our hearts would be happier places.

we fail to remember that we’re already enough. we come into this world enough and as we make our way through it, the world takes more and more from us, demands more from us, and we give. we make it our job to give. we give until we’re frantically making lists of what else we can be doing to make ourselves feel whole. we give until nothing is left.

keep some for yourself.

you are the only person who can make you whole. you are the only person who can make yourself see that you already are.

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