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September 19, 2012

these are your instructions. ask questions.

you want answers? ask questions. 

why did you have a headache that lasted four days? you handle stress poorly. very poorly. 

what helped alleviate day 3 of that headache? sharing animal crackers with the toddler in your lap while watching/quoting “the sandlot."

what do you want?

what do you want

if you cannot answer this question then you need to keep asking it. 

ignore the inner child who was always told to stop asking questions. asking yourself what you want and need feels foreign. it feels foreign because we rarely ask it. everyone else gets this question from us. we need to change the audience. you deserve to answer this question just as much as anyone else.

ask for what you need. ask yourself, your partner, the universe. 

what are you hungry for? we're all starving for something. some days it's ten different things.  but none of these are crappy food. we are not hungry for things that are bad for us. we are hungry for things that will nourish us. 

you do not want bad food. you do not want to miss the gym. you want answers. 

keep asking the questions, even the ones that drive you mad.

you want love? learn to love yourself. this is a daily job and it lasts a lifetime. it is not monday-friday, 9-5. there is no time clock. we are students of our own hearts. don't ignore this. don't fight it either. and every day there are lessons. pay attention.

you want solitude? run. do something wonderful for yourself. sit down with something you love, a person or a book. say "thank you." let yourself feel the joy that is surrounding you.

you want warmth? call your best friend or your mom. give yourself a break. look at the email from your beautiful friend in oklahoma who is so good at reminding you to "go easy on yourself, peach." think of the day when you'll finally sit at her kitchen table with your families. think of what a blessing that day will be.

you want a sign? listen to your gut. 

you want grace? be quiet. close your eyes. open them. take a breath and start walking.

you want growth? be brave enough to keep walking.  

this is moving on. this is living. embrace all of it.  the beautiful and the maddening. 

and that call you're hoping to get? use this extra time you've been given to remind yourself that if it's supposed to happen it will. after you've done everything you can do it's out of your hands. you've done everything you can do. you have done everything you can do. 

say another prayer. and another. and instead of sitting and stewing, live. live your life and hope you get called. listen to your gut. it's answering you.

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