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May 9, 2013

the need to slow down.

what do you do when stress and anxiety sit heavy on your chest? when they take up residence on your shoulder and whisper bad things in your ear, things that bring you no good. 

no growth.

no joy.

what do you do when negativity rolls in and tries to make itself comfortable? 

nothing even has to "happen" to feel stress like this. but "things" add up. long days add up. and a person picks the wrong day to send an email or call with a problem or a favor or a question.

i slow down. i can hear better when i slow down.

i close my eyes. i open them and look out the window. i look at the men working on the roof across the street. i wonder if they like their job, if they like being that high. i look at the dark clouds rolling in. i look at the tree next door with peach leaves. i think of the friend i get to meet for dinner later and how much i'm looking forward to seeing her. and having a margarita. i think of the wonderful women i got to meet for lunch earlier. and how good that chicken pita was. and how i need more tzatziki sauce in my life. i stop reading things that piss me off. i listen to the music that calms me. bob marley, always. i listen to the mary chapin carpenter songs i could sing in my sleep. i save the rihanna for the gym. i walk, even if it's around the office. i look out the window again. i think of my blessings. i make a list and smile and sigh. i think of how eva loses her mind with laughter when i tickle her. i lie back in my chair and stretch. i put my hand on my heart, close my eyes, and take deep breaths.

i repeat this last one.

there are not enough deep breaths in this world.

i tell myself, this is not the hardest thing i will ever have to deal with. this is not the hardest day i'll ever have.

it's a long life and no two days are the same, even when i'm convinced they are, when they are either so dull or hectic i could scream.

i slow down.

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