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June 23, 2012

this is how you love yourself. you add to this list.


you treat your life like a garden. anything can grow if cared for properly.

you go to bed early on a friday night because your body demands it. you wake even earlier on a saturday to pay $10 to have your ass handed to you at kickboxing. you love every minute, even when you want to scream. you give yourself an hour to feel exhausted and proud. you remind yourself that this is not the hardest thing you have ever done or will ever do. this is how you love yourself.

you order chinese food, one container, if your body craves it. you allow yourself this treat. you do not berate yourself. you listen to your body. but you throw away the leftovers. baby steps. this is how you love yourself.

you go to yoga and when the instructor comes over because he sees you're struggling and fighting and you want to explode this means you're afraid of something, which means you're close. which means you need to stop fighting. this is how you love yourself.

you let the kind man who has entered your life kiss you at a baseball game. the fact that his kisses make you shake, well, you say a prayer of thanks for that. you remind yourself that you deserve kisses that make you shake. this is how you love yourself.

you listen when people tell you you need to lighten up. but if you listen to the criticism (backed by support) then you also need to listen to the positive. this is how you love yourself.

you stop thinking of yourself as a number. you are more than this. for the last time, stay off the fucking scale. this is how you love yourself.

you learn to love more parts of yourself, the physical and non-physical. you love the legs you work so hard for, your green eyes, how your hair looks in a simple ponytail and how this makes you feel-relaxed. and how you're trying to let yourself feel that more often. it's normal to feel moments of both love and frustration for your body, but you need to stop bringing on so many moments of frustration. all of them are unnecessary and undeserved. you spend far too much time looking in mirrors trying to see what parts of the old girl are still there. that girl, most of her, is gone. stop trying to find her. continue to work at letting her go. this is how you love yourself.

you bring more books on the train. you read the travel magazines you want to write for. you write long letters to younger versions of yourself. you write the pitches and send them in. this is how you love yourself.

you stop wishing for things. wishing is waiting and you no longer have time for that. wishing is not living. doing is living. remember the difference. this is how you love yourself. 

the girl you used to be, the way you used to treat yourself-you need to let go of these things, all of them. they are holding you back. stop worrying about being too much for people. you promised yourself you'd get out of your own way. it's time to deliver. this is how you love yourself. 

you make this list as long as you want. this is how you love yourself.  


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